Off the Leash

1/19/2015 01:00:00 PM Lexie Dunne 2 Comments

One of the benefits of having Nikki is I can’t sleep all day anymore (I call it a benefit, but honestly, the word for it changes on the days when she sits by my head and makes “ernt” noises at me until I get up). I live in an apartment complex with no dog park nearby, so if Nikki needs to go outside, one of the humans goes with her. It means I get more outdoors time than I usually do, and the view’s not bad because we’re on a lake. Currently, as I type this, there are about fifty ducks just waddling about and quacking at each other on the shore over there. The Canada geese have taken over the island. I imagine it’ll become a Sharks and Jets situation very soon.

(I’m Team Duck. I’m not saying Canada geese are thirteen pounds of pure evil, the devil incarnate in feathers, teeth, and talon-like flippers. But if, say, the apocalypse occurred and one just so happened to show up with the mark of the beast on his little malevolent forehead? I wouldn’t be surprised.)

So if you’ve ever wondered exactly what goes on in that brain of mine when I have nothing to do but follow Nikki around so she can sniff this exciting smell! and that awesome tree!, now you no longer have to wonder. I bet you think now you were better off not knowing.

Things I have discovered on my walks with Nikki:
  • Skipping a rock across ice really does make that freaky sound, and it’s great.
  • Less great is throwing rocks and having your dog flinch and cower because your sudden arm movement scared her (she was behind me. I was NOT throwing rocks at my dog or even in her direction).
  • Ducks and geese are really dumb. They outnumber Nikki about two hundred to one, but the minute they see my little terrier dog, they flee en masse.
  • You know what? I think I’m actually okay with them not figuring out that their mob would destroy Nikki. Maybe incurring the Duck/Geese Rising of 2015 brings about that apocalypse I mentioned earlier.
  • Plus I just really like my dog in one piece.
  • This time of year, squirrels get really fat. There was one absolutely chunky squirrel we saw on our ramble yesterday that looked like one of Andre the Giant’s fists—with a tail.
  • That squirrel was still faster than my slightly overweight Boston Terrier.
  • This is, of course, much to Nikki’s dismay.
  • Thanks to an education in Honey I Shrunk the Kids, The Borrowers, and this video about cats fighting off tiny tiny sock thieves, I spent a disproportionately large amount of time wondering if there are tiny people having a giant adventure and now they’re hiding because one! of! the! humans! and! her! scary! dog! is walking on the sidewalk just overhead.
  • Sure, it’s a weird time for these minuscule adventurers to be facing danger still, since I typically take the morning walks, but maybe they’ve been up all night, okay? It was a night fraught with terror. One of them almost got squished by a sock, Indiana Jones boulder style!
  • (See? Told you! A disproportionately large amount of time thinking thoughts like these)
  • Winter is a terrible thing to inflict upon society and I think they should stop. To be fair, I also feel this way about July and August.
Anyway, that’s it for me. See you Friday for the links roundup!

Stay sexy!



    1. For the record, Max said this:


      To which I reply:



Please keep it PG. My mom reads this blog.